That's not the point.
The point is....as he rolled over and began peacefully snoozing (how do they even do that?!?) my mind started spinning into a fit of frustration, anxiety, anger....sleeplessness. I find that the more I think about something, dwell on something, it grows. It grows and grows and grows until it has taken over my emotions, rationality, and sanity.
And that's when the really ugly thing happens. I start to build a grudge. "How dare he fall asleep? Doesn't he know this is upsetting me? How can he sleep at a time like this???????" I start to wonder why sweet hubby doesn't feel the need to hash it out NOW!
Yikes....I just had a flashback to a childhood movie fav. Willy Wonka. You know one of the little girls, Veruca Salt. The one who wanted it all and she wanted it NOW. Hmmm....she was hardly the cute and lovable hero of the movie. In fact, if I remember correctly, Willy Wonka made quite an unpleasant example out of her.
Is that what I sound like? Is that what I look like? Ew.
This is not the pretty picture that I'd like to paint of myself. BUT, I also know that I have legitimate feelings of frustration, anger and hurt. So how am I supposed to deal in this situation? What does God tell me about myself, the sweet hubby, and Him?
So I decided to flip through some scripture as I sat there awake and angry...nursing my ever growing grudge every time I glanced over to the other side of the bed. Maybe the answer for me was somewhere in God's Word. Maybe I would find the thing that would prove I was right and he was wrong, and then I could fall asleep feeling validated.
I sound just lovely, don't I?
So....the first thing I came across was Proverbs 18:22. It says, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord."
Well, that sounds nice. I'd like to be a "good thing", someone that helps others find favor with God, especially if that someone is my beloved family. Was the way I was handling this situation helping or hindering??
Then I read from 1 Peter 3:1-2. "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the Word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct."
Wait...wait...wait....God, do you know what you're asking of me here? I am one of the most stubborn people ALIVE. But God is telling me not to let whatever my husband did or didn't do get in the way of my conduct and character. I should be striving towards obedience to God out of my love for Him, not because it's easy or because someone earned a way into my good graces.
Ouch...that one stung a little.
Next I came across another verse from Proverbs...."Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly." Proverbs 14:29.
Hey, who are you calling folly-filled? Who wants that? No thanks, I want to exude God's wisdom through me I do NOT want to act like an immature baby, Veruca-like spoiled brat. Sheesh....Proverbs....gets me every time.
And finally I read from Psalm 103:8, "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love."
I am called to be more Christlike as I grow on my journey with Him. God's character of mercy, grace, steadfast love is an example to strive towards. Because of that amazing love that I know He has for me, I want to love others, especially my sweet hubby, in the same way.
So after ALL that. I realized that just by reading through some truth in the Word, my anger was diminishing and diffusing. I wanted to read to gain validation for myself, but what I found was validation in God's calling for us to be more like Him. God's so funny that way. Hopefully the next time I feel that anger start to bubble up at an unsightly hour I will remember what He has taught me, and I can lean on Him to forgive and be slow to become angry.
It'll be tough for stubborn, spoiled old me, but I'm up to the challenge ;)
xoxo, no longer angry Ringer Wife
